Often we put the blame on everyone else but ourselves. But what if we look at our own behaviour as well?
People often complain that attempts to build relationships fall apart for reasons they don’t understand, usually blaming their partner. However, as American psychologist Mark Travers points out in an article on psychologytoday.com, it’s possible that we should blame ourselves.
Here are three signs that you are unknowingly “planting a landmine” in a relationship.
1. YOU IDEALISE YOUR PARTNER TOO MUCH.
That is, you don’t see the man as he really is, but as you would like him to be. On this path you can go quite far, completely losing touch with reality and understanding of what is happening in your relationship.
Such excessive idealization of your partner, putting them on a pedestal can be a symptom of the fact that you have low self-esteem, self-respect and self-confidence, which is an obstacle to building a healthy, harmonious, equal, balanced relationship.
Being willing to compromise your morals in order to maintain a relationship, being emotionally dependent on the other person’s behaviour and mood, and having unrealistically high expectations of anyone who has shown interest in you can lead to nothing good.
2. YOU SEEK TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS JUST GONE THROUGH A BREAK-UP
This could indicate that you have a tendency to violate personal boundaries, not giving people the personal time and space they need.
Here’s how you can tell if a person is ready for a new relationship: Pay attention to how often a potential partner mentions their ex or ex-girlfriend in conversations.
If it happens constantly, it appears that he is still overwhelmed with memories and his wounds have not healed. Especially if he talks about his previous partner in a negative way – this could mean either that he is not yet ready to move on, or that he is to blame for the break-up.
3. YOU THINK YOU ARE SERIOUS ALREADY, JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVE HAD SEX
However, often the fact that you have slept together or do it from time to time doesn’t mean you are a couple. If you really want to take your relationship with this person to the next level, don’t artificially escalate the situation.
Let things happen naturally, have patience and just work your way up – share common interests, communicate more, spend more time in each other’s company outside of the bedroom.