Am I in love with myself? How long have I been telling myself this? And how often do I let myself know it through my actions? It is unlikely that you ask yourself these questions often. Meanwhile, they are the key to a happy life, our expert is sure.
Speaking about the candy-bouquet period, we most often think about relationships in couples, but falling in love, pleasant gifts and dates are not just a matter of two people, all this can and should be given to yourself.
In our society the idea is voiced quite often: “When you are alone, you are miserable. Be sure to find a company, otherwise they will think that you are bad and do not suit anyone”. This misses a very important detail: personal choice. At some point it can be taken out of focus, and now I am surrounded by friends… But are they really my friends, am I really happy?
In order to hear the answers to these and other similar questions, we need to learn to be alone again, but this time not just in sad and forced loneliness, but in fulfilling solitude.
So, let’s imagine that there are romantic events to which you will have to invite only… yourself? And they, by the way, have a number of undeniable advantages. For example:
- Developing the skill of mindfulness. Being distracted by someone else while dating keeps us from immersing ourselves fully in our personal experiences. On a date with yourself, however, a kind of meditation is provided one hundred per cent.
- Responsibility. Nothing will not prevent to fulfil the promises made to themselves: you will do everything that planned. And do not forget to praise yourself for this.
- Self-acceptance. A date can take place in the most relaxed atmosphere. A minimum of conventions.
- Calm. You won’t need mind-reading to figure out how to please everyone. You’ll do it the way you really want to do it.
- Increased self-esteem. You did it yourself, so you can do it.
- Motivation to develop. If you like it, you will want to improve yourself, to become more and more interesting personality for yourself.
But how to organise a beautiful date? Champagne, candles, music, wardrobe… Entire industries have long laboured to meet the high demands of a sometimes capricious public.
WHAT A DATE WITH YOURSELF MIGHT LOOK LIKE?
You’d be surprised, but whatever you want it to be. Yes, yes. You are reading this article right now and right this moment you can slow down time and turn it into a little date (or a little ritual, but more on that later).
Each new day offers us a marvellous opportunity to give ourselves the gift of a little time to ourselves: the only difference is perhaps the approach to planning. Theatres, restaurants, resorts, mountains, parks and tea workshops – imagine being able to do all this alone!
To begin with an important question: why and how much alone time do I need?
If this question is particularly difficult to answer, psychotherapy might be a useful choice, and incidentally, it is within psychotherapy that the rituals to which we will now turn play a special role: they help to escape from depressive states.
The fundamental difference between rituals and dating is that they are repeated regularly, sometimes on a schedule. At the same time, although they resemble each other almost identically, they do not become a boring routine.
For example, banal face and body care before bedtime in the “candy-bouquet approach” acquires special shades. The main thing is regularity.
And the most wonderful thing about rituals is that they may not be connected with any special exercises. Nature has given us a thousand rituals, we just need to learn to notice them.
Dawns and sunsets, withering, wilting and rebirth of nature, falling asleep and waking up, taking a shower, breathing, music, sounds of nature. It is important to engage all your senses so that the search is successful.
Perhaps a date with yourself or a ritual is already a gift, isn’t it? And in general, seeing your true desires every day, noticing fleeting changes in mood, watching your gaze wander, subtly assessing the sensations in your body – isn’t that the magic we all possess? With this attitude, giving yourself gifts, even the smallest ones, is not so difficult.
The only thing left to do is to stop the moment for a moment and ask yourself: what do I want right now? Close your eyes, take a deep breath… There is me and the whole world – the choice is endless!