It happens, a person grew up in a favourable family, but in adulthood he has a series of unpleasant recurring events, everything goes downhill. He begins to ask himself the question: ‘Why?’ And the answer most often comes from childhood. Sometimes everything is explained by parental prohibitions, which inside us continue to operate all our lives….

HOW PARENTAL INHIBITIONS AFFECT THE CHILD

To a young child, parents pass on a set of ‘messages’ from which he or she draws conclusions about him or herself, other people and the world around him or her. As a rule, such attitudes are expressed in the form of prohibitions, which can be both constructive and destructive.

Constructive ones contribute to the preservation of life and health of the child, help to adapt in society, form moral principles.

They are necessary because they help children to find a purpose in life, enable them to organise their time and help them to learn skills and experience

Destructive prohibitions contradict the child’s desires and natural needs, negatively affect his/her development, may cause suicidal thoughts, and form maladaptive behaviour.

In some families, because of fears, parents repeat to the child from early childhood: ‘You have no ability to do this, you can’t cope!’, in other families they punish bad behaviour by neglect and ignoring it.

In this way the basic life position of children is formed in relation to themselves (who am I? what am I like?) and to the world around them (what are those around me like?). It would not be surprising if a child brought up in a regime of rigid, destructive prohibitions would take the path of destroying his or her own life.

WHAT ATTITUDES WE RECEIVE FROM OUR PARENTS

Psychology identifies several destructive parental inhibitions.

1. ‘Do not feel!’

This parental attitude forbids the child to express feelings, emotions, desires. For example, the child says: ‘Soup is not tasty’. Mum replies: ‘Don’t make it up, it’s delicious.’ The child complains: ‘I’m hot’, and mum says: “No, it’s not hot!”.

The result is that by adulthood the person still does not know how to trust his feelings

A child must be allowed to express emotions and express his/her opinion. Otherwise, he will have anger or other strong emotions, which will still ‘break through’ and will be directed inward, at himself. This will manifest itself at least in the form of psychosomatic diseases and psychological problems.

2. ‘Don’t be healthy!’

If a child is healthy but deprived of the parental attention they so desperately need, they quickly realise that they only get care when they are sick. And because of this, actually begins to get sick more often.

3. ‘Don’t live!’

When a mother says to a child: ‘My eyes would not see you!’, ‘I would kill you!’, ‘How you bore me!’, he feels his needlessness, lostness. At a subconscious level, the child decides for himself: ‘Mum will be better if I’m not here’.

In adulthood, this prescription manifests itself in the form of life-threatening hobbies

Such people are often prone to suicide, to drug addiction. And some of them try their best to justify their existence and become useful for others, forgetting about their own life.

4. ‘Don’t be yourself!’

When a small child is told: ‘Don’t cry, you are a man!’, ‘No one will be friends with you like that!’ or simply compared with other children, he begins to think that he is worse than others. Then such a person may choose behaviour that is not typical of his sex, have a tendency to modify his body. He often has a feeling that he is not living his life.

5. ‘Don’t be a child!’

‘You’re a big girl, but you play with dolls!’, “You’re already big, help me!”, “You’re older, don’t cry, but help the younger one!”. – With these messages parents force the child to grow up earlier than possible, to take on a load of responsibility, which is not necessary. In adulthood, such people are always in labour, they do not allow themselves to just carefree rest. Their emotional environment is usually impoverished.

6. ‘Do not grow up!’

With such phrases (‘Where will you go without your mum?’, ‘Only parents will take care of you!’) parents nurture infantilism in the child. With these messages, it is as if they ‘bind’ him to themselves. In the future, such a person will be prone to dependent relationships, it will be difficult for him to make decisions and take responsibility. In addition, he is likely to have difficulties in building a career, as well as avoidance of his own sexuality.

7. ‘Make no mistake!’

‘Don’t run! Don’t jump!’, “Let me do it, or you’ll hurt yourself!”, “You’d better stay at home, it’s dangerous outside”. Such prohibitions are often not commensurate with the potential danger and only serve the mother’s fears, and the child gets hypervigilance in ordinary life situations.

8. ‘Don’t get close!’

With the phrases ‘Don’t trust anyone!’, ‘What kind of tenderness is this?’, ‘All men are traitors, don’t trust them!’ the child is deprived of emotional closeness. Growing up, he becomes extremely suspicious. As a rule, he does not easily develop relationships with the opposite sex. Parents are anxious about the child, and that’s normal. But when they approach parenting in a hyper-responsible way, their anxiety often goes beyond reason.

HOW TO AVOID DESTRUCTIVE INHIBITIONS

This is possible if love, support and praise are a priority in parenting. You can never have too many good words, so don’t skimp on them! Hug your child so that he does not have a feeling of ‘emotional hunger’, rejection and loss. And, of course, in upbringing should not apply prohibitive phrases, and reasonable prohibitions should be expressed in a friendly form.