Of course, you shouldn’t approach a new person with a clear set of requirements – it’s not a new dishwasher who has to meet your expectations exactly. However, psychologists do recommend paying attention to some of the signs of neuroticism that will prevent you from building a long and strong relationship.
HOW RELATIONSHIPS ARE BUILT
It takes adults and psychologists to build strong, long-lasting relationships, says psychologist Valery Gut, a Ph.D. in psychology and developer of the theory of adaptive intelligence. If you’ve met a neurotic, however, it won’t be without drama and scandals. Usually such a person tries to find support or comfort in a partner, so that he is very critical and is able to make a scandal almost immediately after acquaintance.
“A relationship with a neurotic will be destructive and traumatic, resembling an emotional swing. If a person is attracted to toxic people who fuel the need for emotional imbalance, there is likely to be something wrong with them too,” warns the psychologist in a comment to Dr Peter.
HOW TO KNOW
1. Seeking approval
The neurotic seeks to appear flawless in the eyes of others, can appear very caring and is insanely charming. He will brag excessively and focus on his best qualities.
2. Mood swings
You may be offended and withdrawn several times during the evening. You were late, you didn’t agree, you reacted the wrong way – all this he will long scroll through his head and relive it over and over again. Any deviation from the invented scenario is perceived by the person as an insult and humiliation.
3. Showy underestimation
The opposite situation – a person berates his or her appearance, intelligence and overall dissatisfaction with the way life is going. Complaints about their own inferiority and inadequacy of some criteria, anxiety – this is a sign of neurosis.
4. Difficulty saying ‘no’
A neurotic loves to feel needed – he only feels ‘at ease’ when he sees his own worth. They cannot refuse when invited to go out, ask other people for things and express their own desires.
5. Stiffness and tension
The neurotic likes to see himself as a victim and to think that the whole world is against him. A favourite idea is that there are so few people who really understand you and wish you well. Hence the total suspicion and mistrust of those around you. You may get the impression that he is just waiting for a catch on a date. Alas, this person doesn’t know how to love and treats relationships as a refuge from anxiety and fear.
6. Complaints about ex-partners
Psychologist, sexologist Nadezhda Boyarskova warns: if a new acquaintance on the first date decides to discuss with you all the shortcomings of ex-partner, most likely, you wait for the same fate.
7. Lack of experience in a long-term relationship
If all the romances lasted less than six months – probably, he does not know how to build a lasting relationship.
8. Lack of ability to listen.
It happens that people during communication ask the minimum number of questions to each other and are barely waiting until they finally have an opportunity to talk about themselves. In that case, no dialogue is out of the question – you are not interested in getting to know each other better, but only represent yourself.
9. Expecting advances and gifts
If the man says so directly on the first date, think about whether this mercenary approach suits you and whether your relationship will be like a bargain.