We often avoid loneliness because it is associated with negative emotions. But rather than fighting this feeling, is it possible to embrace it? And how can this acceptance help us?

When you feel lonely, sometimes you want to lie on the sofa and watch TV – that’s normal. But if this goes on indefinitely, the feeling of loneliness only grows stronger. It lingers and makes itself comfortable in your life.

When you feel lonely, you may start socialising with people who think only of themselves and don’t understand or appreciate you. But you think, “At least there is someone. I don’t want to be alone.”

You reach for another glass of wine to dull the pain, forget yourself and break the ringing silence. All these methods are popular, but they are useless and even harmful. In fact, it’s other things that help: creating, writing, and exploring. This is how we get closer to our own self. Of course, connecting with others is important, but at the heart of your relationship with others is your relationship with yourself.

When it’s lonely, remember: you have a boundless, rich and inventive imagination, hands and heart at your disposal. Here are some ideas for how you can use it all.


First and foremost, it’s important to acknowledge and respect your feelings. You need to honour what is true for you in the moment. This will help in exploring your loneliness.

Write about the feelings you are experiencing, the thoughts that arise when you are alone. About the pain that loneliness causes. Perhaps you have a headache or stomach ache. Maybe it manifests as a general tiredness or sadness that you can’t shake off in any way. Perhaps it feels like a shroud or fog.

Spit it all out on paper. Then you can keep the notes or destroy them, it doesn’t matter. Just let yourself be as honest with yourself as possible.


Write a story about a little girl who feels lonely. Write about why she became lonely and what helps her cope. You can even draw illustrations and turn it into a book for children. Look at your story through the eyes of a young child. Sometimes a change of perspective can help you be kinder to yourself and find a healthier way out of a situation.


Start a timer and set a challenge to find five items that can be used to make a collage. Toothpicks, old magazines, candy and gum wrappers, old postcards and invitations, adverts and coupons.

Then put on your favourite music and let your imagination run free. You can create several collages using different words, themes, or points of view. One collage might be about winter or holidays, another might be about silly things, and a third might be the work of a “new avant-garde artist.”


Write a letter about something you can’t forgive yourself for: a mistake at work, a fight with a friend, a series of bad decisions and bad actions. It will make it easier for you to let go of resentments.

Write a letter for a character trait or body part you like. “Thank you, legs, for sending me out for a refreshing run this morning. Thank you, hands, for helping me write about my pain. Thank you, ears, for letting me listen to soothing tunes on the road.”

Write yourself a letter of approval and encouragement that will inspire and energise you for new accomplishments.

When you feel lonely, it’s important to connect with others. Call a close friend, visit a book club or running club, sign up for a photography or painting class. Think of things you enjoy doing or things you’d like to try, and then find people who enjoy the same things.

It’s equally important to stay in touch with yourself, and to do this you need to write and create. You can make a list of activities to do in case loneliness strikes. This list will serve as a reminder that there are many ways to reconnect with yourself.

You don’t need empty and superficial solutions like guilt or inappropriate people to feel better, more comfortable and less lonely. Build a meaningful lasting relationship with yourself. And seek out people who want to build meaningful relationships with you.