We are inextricably linked to the people around us, and sometimes the fear of being abandoned overwhelms us and prevents us from living normally. How often it happens that already an adult and wealthy person still haunted by thoughts of loneliness! Why are you afraid of being alone? Is loneliness really so scary? How to overcome this fear? All these questions are answered in this article.
WHY THE FEAR OF LONELINESS ARISES
To get rid of intrusive thoughts, you need to find out where they are coming from. What could be affecting you and your phobias?
When you split up from your parents, you haven’t been able to fully separate, which makes it difficult for you to fulfil yourself as an adult. You are in your twenties, but you have not learned how to organise your leisure time, you are overwhelmed by household chores and you cannot cope with all your responsibilities. You find it hard to accept the fact that the responsibility for your life now rests solely on you. Because of this, you feel defenceless and vulnerable. Praise and advice from others need you as a breath of water, because independent decisions are very difficult to make. Bottom line: dependence on your parents has not disappeared, and therefore you are afraid to be alone and helpless.
Losing a loved one
You are still not over the loss of a loved one and are dreaming of turning back the clock. You are caring for loved ones, even excessively. You are scared of losing others dear to you, the thought of possible loneliness terrifies you. These thoughts can also be triggered by the fear of losing a support network – e.g. a partner, a breadwinner in the family who supports you and your children.
The trauma of a past relationship
Everything seems fine – you have someone you love by your side, you can make plans for the future and have no fear of change. But suddenly the relationship cracks and everything changes drastically. An affair, tyranny or a disagreement – any reason for separation is traumatic. Like a fish, he is thrown out of the water onto dry land, where he experiences an unprecedented contrast between what was before and what has become after. Gradually the person recovers, but the trauma stays with them if they are not worked through. He goes through life with the idea that no one can be trusted, that love is a lie and a dream. He finds it difficult to get into a relationship because he is afraid of going through a bad breakup again and being alone. An avoidant attachment formed, which is characterized by the behaviour “I can’t do it with you, I can’t do it without you”.
The need for a “strong shoulder”.
And it’s not just about male support. For example, those who have health problems, afraid one day not to cope alone with his illness. It is more relaxed when there is the other half, which will take care and help. Those with money problems also fear loneliness. A woman may fear financial dependence on a partner who provides her with everything she needs. The thought that he will one day want to break up, in this case terrifies.
Many events may have affected a person during childhood. Fear of loneliness comes from lifeguard syndrome. A person needs someone to help them, even if that help is unwanted. He feels the need to nurture and control someone because that is how he satisfies himself. He is afraid that one day everyone will turn away from him and his opportunity to assert himself will disappear.
The worst fear is felt by those who are dependent on a partner. Unhealthy attachment is formed in childhood through relationships with parents. The person feels like their whole life is centered on their partner.
This kind of love cannot be called sincere but rather an urgent need for someone to be there for them. Break-ups are very difficult for addicts. It takes much more effort to come to their senses and start a new life. Many people fail, and the fear of loneliness can lead to depression, eating disorders and other more serious mental illnesses.
WHY LONELINESS IS WORTH LOVING
Loneliness will not always accompany you. The fact is that even if some people leave you (or you leave them), there are still plenty of people around who can make you happy.
It is possible to live the periods of loneliness to the best of one’s ability. Often a person needs time alone to sort themselves out and untangle their tangle of thoughts. Loneliness is a great opportunity to take a break from everyone around you. Even the people you love and care for can be annoying. You love your family, but sometimes you want them to be quiet, not to pester you with questions and leave you in peace. To maintain a good relationship with them, it’s important to take a break from their company from time to time.
You can find inspiration in solitude. Creative people periodically need to lock themselves in a room to create their masterpieces. When you don’t see loneliness as a burden and a tragedy, it’s good for you.
HOW TO OVERCOME THE FEAR OF LONELINESS
Talk to your partner
Are you afraid your partner will leave you? You need to hear yourself say the opposite. Fear of being alone often arises because partners don’t open up enough to each other. Share this problem with your partner. You will feel better if your partner explains to you that there is nothing to worry about.
Direct the focus of attention to yourself
Focus on your ambitions and desires. When you become pleased with yourself, you won’t be alone inside. Accept the fact that there are you-an individual-and there are people around you who come and go. If you feel dependent on your partner – fix it. Create a financial safety net, work through attachment. In short, strive for independence so that the fear of loneliness disappears.
Your first goal should be to combat the fear of loneliness. Try bringing something new into your routine. Any hobby or watching a movie can kick-start your journey. By doing so, you’ll shift your focus even further to your self, stop looking to the outside for support and start creating the world around you. Believe me, that’s when people will reach out to you!