Uncertainty is already the norm of today’s life, our only certainty. How to be yourself when you lose your bearings? What can bring back the ground under one’s feet in this endless stream of change? Let’s talk with a change management expert.


If you feel like you’ve lost your bearings, you may not have been clear enough before. What is truly important to you will not turn into dust under the pressure of external circumstances. In this sense, today’s era of uncertainty is an excellent tracing paper: it “erases” what seemed significant, but in fact it was not. So, there is an excellent occasion to once again reflect on life values and guidelines.

You can identify core values using the following coaching technique.

1.Remember what social roles you perform in life

It can be “spouse”, “colleague”, “boss”, “author of articles”, “acquaintance”, “mentor” … Try to list and write them all in a column.

2.Opposite each role, write what is most important for the implementation of your tasks.

Let’s say to share knowledge, show care or experiment. By the way: in the process, you may find that many descriptions are repeated, overlap with each other.

3.Review recordings and eliminate duplicates

What is left, write out on a separate sheet.

4.Determine which of the listed values is the primary source and which is the consequence

Let’s say, in a pair of “to receive recognition” and “to be significant”, you first become significant for someone (this is the primary source), and then you already gain recognition (this is a consequence). Primary sources are the root values. What is at the core.

5.Rank Your Core Values

What is the most important, what is the least? To do this, it is enough to imagine a situation in which you are faced with a choice. For example, choose a job. What do you look at first? On the level of salary (money), prestige of the company (recognition), loyal team (acceptance)?

As a result, you will be able to create a more accurate map of values than with the usual enumeration and scale. This technique should be performed at least once a month and compare the results in order to be more objective.

But what to do when external circumstances start to run counter to internal principles and what is important?

LOOK FOR SUPPORT IN WHAT IS Familiar, Habitual And Understandable

The world does not change in everything. There are things, people, events that were part of your life before:

Such everyday little things remind you that not everything is chaotic, and help you “ground yourself”, return support under your feet.


Make a schedule and stick to it as much as possible. Nothing helps to keep the clarity of thoughts like everyday rituals, habits, actions. If you don’t like following a schedule, you can only create a basic outline that leaves plenty of room for “in the moment” tasks. But even this canvas streamlines life. This means that it brings more clarity and predictability to it.


If you just push emotions inward, forbidding yourself to experience them because it is “inappropriate” or “wrong”, at some point they will simply break out.

When you focus on an emotion, it is easier for you to understand it. And what we understand is better manageable. Late for a meeting? Instead of just stomping your foot, ask yourself: how do I feel? Anger, irritation, resentment, fear? Why do I really feel it? Simply naming an emotion, recognizing the very fact of its existence, is the first step towards seeing the true cause of its occurrence.

And also to prevent situations that provoke negativity. Switch from emotional to rational – the moment you start to analyze, the brain turns on. Find ways to express your emotions without harming yourself or others, such as through physical activity.

This is a step towards a deeper understanding of yourself, thanks to which you learn to depend less and less on external factors.


Nothing causes more fears, worries and feelings of loss than a mismatch between expectations and reality. But the world is not just a reflection of our desires, even if positive visualization works in many ways.

There is the simplest and at the same time the most difficult solution to all problems – acceptance. In my coaching sessions, I often use a tool like Milton Erickson’s star. One of her principles: you’re ok. That is, you are already good as you are, everything is in order with you. This principle can be applied beyond the individual as well.

Yes, the world does not always correspond to all ideals. Yes, there is a lot going on that we call good or bad. But for balance, opposites are needed.

As in The Master and Margarita: “What would your good do if evil did not exist, and what would the earth look like if shadows disappeared from it? After all, shadows are obtained from objects and people. Here is the shadow of my sword. But there are shadows from trees and from living beings. Don’t you want to tear the whole globe off, blowing away all the trees and all life from it because of your fantasy of enjoying the naked light?

Liberation from prejudices is a liberation from unnecessary fears that are born due to a discrepancy between expectations and reality.

You manifest yourself in every second of your existence

It is believed that times of crisis define who we really are. This is not entirely true. We have a lot in us, and the reaction to the unusual reveals only some aspects of the personality.

Remember: in any situation, in any choice or action, in any emotion, it is always you. And forgetting about one of the manifestations of yourself when another appears on the surface is like seeing the sky only blue, while it can be purple, crimson and even black, depending on the time of day. You don’t have to save yourself – you already are.

This does not mean that you should stop in self-development. On the contrary: the more you learn, realize and accept yourself, the more opportunities you open to be yourself. It’s just that your values are not as much dependent on the world as it might seem – they are embedded inside. You just need to pay attention to them.