It’s hard to resist the temptation to compare your real-life relationship to some accepted norm, but it’s more frustrating than beneficial. What is a healthy relationship? There’s a whole system of myths surrounding the term, and we’ll talk about the most common ones.
In a healthy relationship, partners are always happy
To always experience happiness, just like any other feeling, will not work. What often happens is that we shift responsibility away from ourselves and place high expectations on our partner and on the relationship that binds us together.
It is indeed important to be happy in a relationship, but you have to realise that not everything depends on it. They cannot act as the only factor in happiness and the meaning of life.
In a healthy relationship, partners do not fight
Conflicts – it’s normal, they are in any relationship. And it is not always possible to show your best side in conflicts. It is not a sign that our relationship is unhealthy when we argue with someone we are close to.
It is important to analyse the frequency of quarrels, their causes, our behaviour during and after the conflict. And most importantly, draw conclusions for the future.
You can try to remove some of the reasons for quarrels. Even if you quarrel very badly and do not want to return to an unpleasant moment, it is worth some time to discuss with your partner what happened and think about how you will behave in a similar situation. Chances are that in the future, with this approach, you can avoid new conflicts on this particular issue.
In a healthy relationship, there is always enough love, care and attention
A relationship is an interaction between two people with their own desires and needs, which can change. And even in a healthy relationship, someone may be lacking something at the moment.
This is why it is important to develop an awareness of our feelings and desires so that we can voice our true need to our partner and try to close it.
In a healthy relationship, there is always passion and vivid sex
More often than not, a healthy relationship is a quiet one, meaning that there are no regular emotional swings.
If partners have sex often, it won’t always be vivid, and that’s okay too. Not every sexual interaction is remembered as something extraordinary. There’s not much need for that.
This does not mean that there is no passion at all in a quiet relationship, just that over time it begins to emerge after a special interaction and intimacy.
There are no problems in a healthy relationship
Because of this myth, many people shy away from talking about things that aren’t working out with their partner. We should remember that every couple goes through a lot of crises. These periods are very difficult, but if the couple gets through them, the relationship will become much stronger.
Relationships are dynamic and cannot be built once and for life. There will always be changes and any changes cause discomfort and even pain.
In a healthy relationship, partners are one
It is of course much easier to build a relationship with a partner who resembles you in some way, such as their values and outlook on life. But we shouldn’t expect to meet someone who thinks, feels and acts just like us. And do we really need a clone?
Differences in outlook and ways of thinking always exist. That is why the image of two perfect halves that become one without a single gap cannot be realised in real life.
A healthy relationship leads to a family
Marriage does not always serve a purpose. A couple may not want to legitimise their relationship or have children. It is a choice that each person must make for themselves. If the partners have similar views, their relationship will not become less quality without being officially registered.
The most important marker in a relationship is the one we choose and define ourselves. Our relationship may be far from the conventional “ideal” and “healthy”, but if we feel good and comfortable in it, we shouldn’t compare ourselves to anyone else.
We just need to pay attention to what happens in the relationship and how it changes over time.