It’s normal to be afraid to introduce your kids to your new partner. It is not easy for everyone to accept a new person, and even learn to live with him, as often happens in such cases … For everyone who faces such a process, there are some useful tips from psychologists and psychoanalysts.

Psychoanalyst Sylvian Giampino believes that it is important not to shift the responsibility for fulfilling family roles to children. Nevertheless, this phenomenon is characteristic of our time and directly follows from intergenerational problems.

By shifting responsibility to children, parents put them in a position of power. For a child, this is a very unpleasant turn: firstly, he cannot know what is good for his dad or mom, and secondly, if his advice still turns out to be useful, this only strengthens the illusion of his omnipotence, thereby fueling anxiety and guilt in future.

The fact that parents often view meeting a new spouse as a test in which children act as a jury, according to psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Alain Braconnier, is explained by the paradox of generations. Today’s adults think more about their personal development than, for example, their parents. But at the same time, they are more concerned about how their choice will affect the lives of their children.

Hence the extreme attention to everything that can upset the child. So how do you get through the ordeal of the first meeting?


The arrival of a new person is always a source of anxiety for children. And although we would like to find some special time for such an important event, it is hardly realistic. Relationships between parents and children do not work according to some instructions, and it is impossible to predict the perfect moment. It is necessary to discuss changes, but when exactly it should be done is not so important.


Another strategic question: where to introduce children to a new partner? The main thing here is to give the child space to live emotions and save him from too close looks. Eat at a restaurant, rent a family room, take a walk in the woods… Any option is good if it offers the opportunity to switch the child’s attention to something pleasant.


With a child, you need to remain affectionate and frank, but it is also important not to go too far. For example, 38-year-old Alexey admits that he “overdid it” when he listed his eight-year-old daughter all the qualities of her new lover. “She listened to me without saying anything, and then suddenly said, almost crying:“ Mom is not bad, she is cheerful and good. She also cooks delicious rolls.”

“In order to develop, a child needs a positive image of both parents. That is why it is better to talk about a new partner modestly and delicately. It’s always better to understate than to say too much,” says psychologist Maris Vaian.


Psychologists are unanimous: negative children’s reactions to a new person are common, and often the child cannot express their cause in words, and sometimes is not at all aware. It is necessary to discuss his feelings, but because of them it is definitely not worth breaking off relations with a new chosen one. Postponing the introduction, reassuring the child, and answering all of his questions are good ways to smooth over the problem.


The other parent sometimes feels they have a legal right to get to know the person who will now live or spend a lot of time with their child. And this desire may well come true without risk to the child, subject to three criteria: